Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Dumb Summer Songs I Actually Really Love

It's common knowledge that I'm not Mr. Discernment when it comes to music quality. I know what makes for good music, I just don't always care. And during the summer months, when all that's on the radio is the fluffliest of fluff, the joke is on all you cynical buttfaces 'cause I'm feeling gooood.

So here are some of my favorite tracks of the summer so far, why they're dumb (because I am aware that they are), and why I love them. Enjoy!

1. Chloe - Emblem3



Lyrics: "Chloe, I know your sister turns everyone on. But you're the one I want."

Why It's Dumb: I love how this song never offers a reason why the narrator prefers this girl over her much more popular sister. It's just saying he does, because he can. For a while I thought the lyrics said "you've got more heart and that's the only thing that matters," and that's almost moving, but then I realized it's actually "you've got my heart and that's the only thing that matters." So, for whatever unimaginable reason, this dude likes this girl over her evidently more attractive sister. That's feminism people.

Why I Love It: I almost love this song because it's so ridiculous and dumb. But also, it sounds just like the song "How Bizarre" by OMC. Like just like it. Expect a mash-up coming soon. Also, I like to pretend it's about Chloe from Smallville. 'Cause she's purty.

2. Come and Get It - Selena Gomez



Lyrics: "When you're ready come and get it... Nah nah nah nah. Nah nah nah nah. Nah nah nah."

Why It's Dumb: ^ See above. It seems in lieu of writing actual lyrics some artists nowadays prefer to fill the measures of their songs with oos, ohs, uhs, and nahs (half of "Home" by Phillip Phillips is "oh oh oh oh oh oh oh"). In this case, this one line of lyric makes up the entire chorus. And that's dumb.

Why I Love It: From the pseudo-Egyptian intro, to the pulsing beat throughout, to the way all the musical parts rush in for the final chorus, a lot about this track works. It's got the kind of rhythm you just surrender to. And it's catchy as all get-out.


3. Get Lucky - Daft Punk



Lyrics: "She's up all night 'til the sun. I'm up all night to get some. She's up all night for good fun. I'm up all night to get lucky."

Why It's Dumb: Ok, so this track isn't dumb dumb. It's actually kind of awesome. But it is vaguely inappropriate in a middle school sort of way. And it sounds almost nothing like Daft Punk, because...

Why I Love It: It's a disco song! The instrumentals are ripped straight from a late-funk, early-disco four-on-the-floor dance hall hit. Which is all kinds of boss.


4. Heart Attack - Demi Lovato



Lyrics: "I'm putting my defenses up, 'cause I don't wanna fall in love. If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack."

Why It's Dumb: love Demi Lovato. I'm as close to a 21 year old straight male superfan as she has. She's a goddess. The thing is, though, her lyrics don't quite work all the time. Case in point: "Heart Attack." Why would falling in love give her a heart attack? And in addition to this non sequitur chunk of chorus, the lyrics in the verses are equally perplexing: "When I don't care, I can play 'em like a Ken doll. Won't wash my hair, then make 'em bounce like a basketball." Wait... what??? Her seduction technique includes not showering, and the boys respond by... bouncing? WHAT?

Why I Love It: Demi has pipes most starlets her age could only dream of. It's hard to tell because she doesn't always pick songs that showcase her range, but she is one talented songstress. She also seems super down-to-earth and funny on the X-Factor. And this song, while lyrically bizarre, is catchy and does have a few bright moments for her voice. It works more than it doesn't, and I'm not tired of it yet, so that's something.


5. I Love It - Icona Pop



Lyrics: "I crashed my car into the bridge. I don't care. I love it."

Why It's Dumb: You can't say "I crashed my car into the bridge" twice in the same chorus and expect to be taken seriously. Actually, this song is just a hot mess.

Why I Love It: I honestly couldn't tell you. But God help me I do.

6. 22 - Taylor Swift



Lyrics: "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22."

Why It's Dumb: Oh, are you feeling 22 Taylor Swift? Are you? 'Cause according to wikipedia, you're 23! *GASP* Anyway the lyrics of this song are just kinda dumb, or at least nothing impressive. They're about what you'd expect from Taylor Swift, which is not much.

Why I Love It: Because every time it comes on the radio I turn it up as loud as it will go, roll down my car windows and sing it to the world. Point Swift.


7. What About Love - Austin Mahone



Lyrics: "What about love? What about us 'til the end? What about love? You cut my wings, now I am falling. What about love?"

Why It's Dumb: Ok, you don't just... name a song "What About Love." You don't just steal a track title from Heart. Heart! It's like when the Biebs called his song "Somebody to Love." Who said that was a good idea? Also, this is as craven an example of 90s boy band ripoff-ery as I've heard this year (even considering One Direction and the Wanted). It sounds like it was plucked right from the pool of obscure 90s boy bands who rode the N*Sync/Backstreet Boys wave to modest success at the turn of the century (5ive, BBMak).

Why I Love It: Forget what I just said. I'm actually kind of into the whole boy band sound of this song. I'm a little confused by the fact that it's just one dude, but I'm willing to forgive all its sins because it's so dang catchy. I'll forgive pretty much anything if a song is catchy. Anything except misogynistic, predatory lyrics (you know what you did Robin Thicke).

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