Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Dear God

Dear God,

I don't know how much sense it makes to write You a letter, because we talk all the time. I mean, I talk all the time. You probably try to respond every so often, but I'm just so busy talking I can't hear you. Sorry about that. It's nice how You listen though, sometimes I feel like You're the only one who really does. Thanks for that God. I'm gonna write You a letter, and I'm gonna post it on the internet, because that's just what kids are doing nowadays. Who knows, maybe something I say will mean something to somebody someday. That's all I'm really trying to accomplish when I write anyway, so in the same spirit, I hope you don't mind my posting this. I don't suspect You would, but by all means, if You do, feel free to shoot me some cosmic sign. Or leave a response in the comment section.

I have a lot to thank you for Jesus. I really do. You've been such a good friend to me this summer, and really for the last seven years. You do such incredible things in my life, all the time, and I don't see how I deserve any of it, though I'm finally starting to get that whether or not I deserve it might not have to much to do with why you do it anyway.

I'd like to thank You for my friends, and my family. I'd like to thank You for my best friend and little brother Isaac, because I see You more in him than anybody else. He has a way of making people smile, and I know You love that too. It's why You made him that way. Thanks for letting me be around to watch him grow up into such a strong, brave, hilarious, and considerate young man. His friendship is truly one of the good things in my life. Thanks for my best friend Tony too God. Thanks for providing so much time for us to watch Buffy and the West Wing together (and thank You for making Joss Whedon and Aaron Sorkin). Thank You that he's been such a great friend to me over the years, even when I've been such an inconsistent one to him. Thanks that we can talk about movies together, and thank You for helping him be strong even in the midst of some pretty severe crap in his life. Please be with him and his family right now God. They're good people and they need You. And thanks for my friend Andy, who could get the whole world dancing, given enough time and resources. Thanks that You aligned the stars in whatever bizarre way that made it possible for him to be in my life. He sure has made it brighter.

Thanks for my friends from school, including my best school friend Joey. Thanks that he got to visit my home in Springfield, and thanks that we had so much fun. And thanks that all my other friends absolutely adored him (not a bit surprising). Thanks for putting friends like him in my life who keep me seeking after You even when I feel far away from You, friends who anchor me and are the good influences I need at this juncture of my life. Thanks for my other friends at school, all of whom I miss, and all of whom I'm so excited to see once the school year starts again. Thanks for providing me such a nice house for next year, and I pray my Springfield friends can come over and visit a ton.


Thank You for the guys, my friends from middle and high school. Thanks for Cam, and our academic rivalry that got him to Princeton, and me to... George Fox. Thanks for Noel, for the driest sense of humor this side of the Mississippi. Thanks for Demetrie, who's so absurdly witty I have to step up my game whenever we're around each other. Thank You for Dylan, who loves Korean pop and video games more than most people love most things. We should all be so passionate. And thanks, God, for Settlers of Catan and Master's Donuts at sunrise.


And God, I'm so grateful for the kids from Canby, and from Springfield Faith Center. Thanks that You let me go to camp with the Canby kids, and that they were real, and honest, and hilarious and awesome, and experienced You in new ways there. Seeing them find You is like finding You all over again, and I can't thank You enough for allowing me to be a part of that. And I pray they would just grow with You, and walk with You, and learn to love You, but most of all learn to be loved by You. That's the tough one I think, at least for me anyway. I pray this next school year I'll be able to drive over to Canby all the time to hang out with my amazing friends there. Oh, and by the way, thanks for the driver's license.

God, thanks for new experiences this summer, even the ones I'm not necessarily comfortable with. Thanks for sticking me in a pizza kitchen for three months, to do something I'm not great, or even good at, to build character or whatever. Actually, I'm not sure if I'm thanking You for that yet. I'll get back to You.

Thanks for my family Jesus. Thanks for Marlie and Morgan, who have always been and will always be two of the most important people in my life. Thank You that You've grown them into such brilliant, stunning, and strong young women, and I pray You'll continue to guide and protect them now that we're growing up and I won't be around to do it (not that I ever real did). Thanks for my mom who would give both her kidneys to me in a minute if she knew I needed them. Thank You for helping her raise me while there was no dad around, and thanks for keeping us safe when things got intense. Thanks for my grandparents, who've shown me love can last fifty years, so long as you argue every day to keep things entertaining. Thanks that they really do care about each other, and for all the hope their love gives me. Thanks for the young men who are slowly but surely earning their place in our clan, Austin and Troy. Thanks for their friendship, and thanks especially for Troy, who, in spite of being one of the funniest people I know in his own right, somehow manages also to bring out the funny in others, like me. That's a unique gift God, and I thank You for it.

God, thank You for bad music that's easy to dance to, and good music that makes me feel like I'm floating. Thanks for writers who write how I would write if I were better-educated and generally more talented, like Donald Miller or Anne Lamott. Thank You for burnt cheese and blackberry lemonade. Thank You for all-you-can-eat pancakes and the moments of transcendence that accompany them. Thanks for superhero movies and TV shows about TV shows. Thank You for laughter, and how my low comedic standards allow me to do it frequently and heartily. Thank You that I enjoy cartoons again, either because they're better than they were five years ago or because I don't take myself as seriously as I did then. Thank You for friendly strangers and old people who don't understand dubstep or the internet. Thank You for teenagers who choose to abstain from promiscuous sex and drug use, not because they're afraid of their parents, but because they love and respect their parents. Thank You for frisbee and sunshine, but also for rainstorms and snow. The only real issue I have is with intense humidity. Please get on it ASAP. I think we both know You can do better.

God, I've got some sorrys for You too. I know You already know that, but thanks for not rubbing it in. I'm sorry I've been so distracted, and that I treat silly things like they're important. I'm sorry I do things that aren't good for me, that hurt my body and my soul. I'm so sorry for all the dumb, mean things I've done to the other people in my life too, and if there are any of them I haven't apologized to personally yet, please remind me and I'll get right on it. I can just be so dim God. I can be a royal pain in the keister, judgmental and closed-minded and narcissistic and lazy, and it's a miracle my friends tolerate me at all, but thanks that they do. I really couldn't do this without them. I'm sorry about questioning Your weather choices, it's just that humidity turns my hair into a fro. But You know better than I. I'm sorry for a hundred thousand other things God, more specific things, but these are by and large things that would be unwise to post on the internet, or things I simply can't remember at the moment. But You know what they are, and I'm sorry about them. And I'm sorry I spend more time thinking ABOUT You than talking TO You. That's not how friendship works. I really do love You God, even if the way I act often paints a different picture. You made me who I am, and You make me feel like I'm worth the whole world, yet I, more often than not, ignore You and treat You like garbage. I treat You the way some of my "friends" treat me, only when it happens to me I act really martyred about it, and You just love me more. I don't get it, but thank You, and I'm sorry.

Hey God, I need to ask You for a few things before we wrap up here. It would mean the world to me if you could help my friends. That's all I really want God, for You to help them be happy. Help them see You, and feel You, and love You better than I do. Show them how much You love them, and why, and remind them all the time, every day, because we don't remember these things so well. Take care of them too, and provide for them. Do what they need, not always what they want, and help them grow, even if it's hard. Help them want You, and sincere relationships, more than they want money and stuff. Because money and stuff are dumb, but You're awesome, and so are the weird little people You made. And if You have a spare moment, I need some help too. All the time. I know I'm needy, but You knew that before You offered to be my God, so You don't get to whine about it now.

I love You God. Dad.
Jordan

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