Toward the end of my senior year a new theme came at me like a bulldozer, for lack of more eloquent terms. At first it was just a word: hero. At the time I had no idea what it meant. To be honest I'm not much closer to understanding it even now. I guess I haven't learned this lesson quite yet. At a certain point every song I heard, every book I read, every movie I saw, I couldn't get away from this word, this idea, of being a hero. The catch was, I had no idea whether or not this meant I was supposed to be somebody's hero, or if I needed a hero.
Feeling some sense of personal grandeur, I assumed God was calling me to partake in some act of heroic machismo. I kept an eye out for any damsels who needed saving, or dragons just daring enough to take on Jord-Man the Beastmaster. Turns out the notion was about as absurd as it sounds. I puttered around for a few months with such delusions until a dear friend of mine informed me that he, while praying, received a word from the Lord on my behalf. God told him to tell me that, instead of being a hero, I needed someone else to be the hero for me. Needless to say this was quite humbling for me.
Even while largely ignoring this interpretation of my "hero" calling, I suspected it was a possibility. I also conjectured if God were calling me to find someone to call my hero, to lead me through the dark times, that He was asking me to find someone to mentor me, to disciple me, and to train me in the ways of the Lord in a personal context I have always felt wanting in my walk with God.
Please don't get me wrong. My life has been full of people reaching out to me and investing their time in me to help me grow. Were it not for the dedicated efforts of a few good people, I would no doubt not know the Lord today. The thing is, especially for the last few years, I have felt a substantial lacking of that role in my life. I see friends with mentors or spiritual guides and I feel a pang of jealousy. I think this is something I need, something I was made for.
I've heard it said if one wants to disciple or mentor someone, to spiritually pour into someone else's life, one must be getting poured into at a regular basis, lest one become... poured out, so to speak. I play the part of mentor in a few kids' lives and am not being mentored myself. I feel it. I'm becoming poured out.
Almost a year has passed since God put this mission on my heart and into my life and I feel no closer to achieving it than I ever have. At the risk of sounding like Bonnie Tyler, I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night... ok that's enough. I don't mean to be cheeky. I just figured when I showed up at Fox there would be more spiritual mentors than I could possibly ever need. Turns out it's not so easy. I can't just shake any old tree and watch half a dozen mentors fall out. To be honest I am at a loss. I don't want to get poured out, and I want more than anything to be obedient to God's calling but it just isn't clear what I'm supposed to do.
I guess I'm asking for prayer. Please pray that if this is meant to be, God will show me what I'm supposed to do. I have a sneaking suspicion a time is coming in my life when I'll need to be more than I am now, to have more support than I have now. So who wants to take on my burdens with me, teach me, train me, and invest hours upon hours making me a better me? Any takers? Sounds fun doesn't it?
"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."